Power puff girl name bubble

I was at gym almost every evening.
However, I feel myself not loosing the kilos.
I feel bigger.
OMG!!!
I don't want my bisep look like popeye's.
I don't want my hip bigger like old hindi movie star.
I control my eating by eating frequent but lesser quantity.
I avoid rice!

No wonder my 1st time at gym I see big people than smaller people.
More people with flabbies than without it.

I sees more more big fat ugly naked bodies than the skinny nice looking bodies in the changing room. These wooommaaaann too open minded with another woooommmaaannn. They can just walk naked and talk to other. My eyeballs almost drop when 1st time saw this scene.
Like watching no star porn movie try out!
Yet!!! me Asian being asian. Shy and timid just go change in the toilet and came out with everything already hide in my bag and ready to go.
I never try to take shower at gym. I dare not go into the sauna when I saw few naked bodies inside.
Ah!!! how to go Japan like this???
How am I to go Korea???
How am I to go to Hawai and wear my bikini and lie on the beach???

Aishhh!!! need more practice....oooppppsss I mean need more open up!!!
Even my wearing is the most conservative one.
I am always with my long legging and long minis.
Favourite color black or grey. no others.

The other day my trainer asked me .... are you going out later after gym???
I said no.... and he said you look like going somewhere...
and I just said ... ah !!!! I love to be different!!!
The truth I just want to hide my big butt, my huge hips and at same time my flabby tummy.

I remember when my trainer asked me to do push up.
I asked him to stand in front of me and back facing me.
He asked me why???
I said i just need you to do that!!!
Then he keep insisting why and why... I lost my patient....
I almost shout my breast is sticking out!!!!
Oooopppsss!!! it seriously slip my mouth.
That fella was where and where and I was covering and covering and he was laughing almost rolling to see me quickly squating instead of in push up position.
I cant do my push up anymore. Even few person near me also stop exercising when heard my claim.
Damn!!!! memalukan diri ku sendiri...
Siowwww!!!! you make me spill it out.
Urrrgggghh!!! why i need to do that????
Why i need to said that out????
I lost my control again!!!

Ohhhh!!!! what I get myself into.
Am I at the wrong channel???
Ah! my hormone play with me again.
My pms finally came this afternoon.
But why I still feel so so upset and down???

Today attend body training again.
My balancing sucks!!!
No wonder I always fall down and kiss the ground all the time.:(
But I need more practise.

I am seriously in strategy and mind game war.
I am not afraid with the game but I just afraid the work load.
Too much sucker inside!
So I need more tai chi and qi gong skills.
A lil bit of aikido and ninja skills too.
Yeah! not forgetting a lil bit of karate. Just a lil bit!
When its necessary I need kung fu , judo and when the worst scenario case and no turning back case we need to apply sword skills and machine gun.

All this will be in my next book.

Guess what ??? most of the time I prefer to be a power puff girl name 'bubble'.

I am now surrender my faith to God!!!
I am tired and tired to strive anymore... it is too hard and should i give up or be like normal continue fighting the current????